i posted on brians page....

great first draft i liked the angle along and it seems to have the same feel as my paper. and with that you have the same problem i have going on and on about things that come to your head. you should always relate you ideas back to your thesis to make your paper stronger

i posted on elliots page...

webster,

this is a great first draft, you have great ideas talking about both movies and giving the summary. now think about taking the next step getting less vague and look at the evidence. also find you self a thesis something that you relate all your ideas back to one thing. one thesis can be something along the lines of they way your eyes opened after learning about all this stuff, or maybe how you emotionaly felt after learning all these new things.

light brain storm

Industrial food system is one great big well oiled machine.
The IFS is the capitalist way of making affordable food for everyone and gain a huge profit.
People have no real knowledge of the real IFS some think they know about it and others have no idea the impact that IFS has on everyone’s daily life.

very first draft

To be an athlete you need to be on top of your game mentally and physically. The definition of athlete is a person trained of gifted in exercise or physical contest involving agility and stamina. An athlete’s diet is the smartest and best dietary choice for any person. To be an athlete you need to be healthy there are no athletes who smoke cigarettes, eat fast-food every day and does not do exercise. Being able to eat right is very simple and accessible to everyone. You can jog for free anytime of the day, you can walk to work and home everyday and its free exercise. This diet isn’t the right way you have to eat it’s a guide to a healthier way to eat. If anything it is a bridge from being an unhealthy person to becoming an extremely healthy person.
Being an athlete is the easiest way to stay in shape and stay healthy. You can eat pretty much all you want but nothing to an excess. You can eat all the good food that you love to eat and then burn it off working out, running and exercising. Also during your athletes diet you have to balance your diet you can’t always eat fried chicken and run two miles. That wouldn’t work up, you need a balanced diet.
Athletes can be athletes any where any time. You can walk to work and exercise. Take the stars instead of the elevator/escalator. Drink water instead of soda. Have a balanced diet that reflects the way you workout; of you body build you need more protein in your diet and the same when you sweat a lot you need more electrolytes.